Dear UltraPro,
I feel our little love affair has been on the rocks. I as always came to you first when I had the need to sleeve, but when I finished doing the dirty I looked upon the unholy thing I’d bedded and was disgusted.
What manner of abomination is this? The sleeves aren’t even close!
| |
 |  |
Huge difference in size, what happened?
|
Are these even the same brand?
|
 |  |
Obvious when on top of each other.
|
And is this a magic deck or a piano?
|
And this wasn’t the first time; it’s just the first time I’m bringing it up. If we’re going to stay in this relationship, we need to be able to be honest with each other, hence this note.
I feel there’s been a slow but steady decline in your product, baby. I used to split a sleeve a month, but now it’s a couple a week. I don’t think I’m being too rough with you… I’m a lover not a fighter, you know that. But really, what is happing down in that quality control room of yours to even think I’d be ok with the size differences between every pack of 100? You know I’ll end up disqualified for having marked cards were I to play them that way? I mean damn baby, I know they’re big, but you barely cover them entirely anymore! I’ll bet little flakes of skin and table excrement are getting all up into my cards with their tops exposed like that!
Seriously though honey, something’s got to change or I don’t know if we’re going to make it.
First, you may want to talk with your boss and let him know that I’m not the only one who’s noticed you’ve lost that swagger in your step, that twinkle in your eye. Others are telling me that “Dragon Shields are more durable and stylish”. I think people who like Dragon Shields are all anarchists, hipsters, or Macintosh users so you can’t trust ‘em anyways.
Secondly, I’d appreciate the actual serviceable product that I’m used to receiving from you like when we first started dating. Remember back when you used to wear makeup and do your hair to impress me? You’re obviously the one I want to be with, but there’s no ring on my finger, I’m still a free man to choose the sleeves I feel will fit best... but I hope that’s with you.
I think back to all the good times we’ve had, and I don’t want them to end…
* Navigating through mountains of Ultra Pro 9 Page Pocket Protectors!
* Sleeving decks so expensive you don't even want to play with them!
* And THE CUBE! Containing the full Power 9 + others of repute!
Requested: Black Deck Protector Sleeves in Standard Size OR something incredibly awesome a geek would like from the dark catacombs of your UltraPro Vaults. This would hopefully allow me enough card sleeves of the same size to re-sleeve my magic decks, as they’re the ones most impacted by the recent size inconsistencies. If I wanted to un-sleeve cards to shift them between decks, I wouldn’t have been buying all of the same color (black) and size (standard) for years.
We’ve built some great memories, let’s keep building more (and more decks!) together.
Please send any product to:
Carl Szalich
XXX
London, Ontario
XXX
Canada
cszalich at hotmail dot com
Tel: XXX
(PS: I took out the ingredients for meatloaf tonight and I’m hoping you could make it the way your mom does? It was really good last time we had it. I don’t know what spices she used but I’ve been thinking about it for weeks now…)
